thought broth

The inexplicable quench for exsitence
The clay flesh of what is breathing
and sour taste of morning breath
the milk that stains our cheeks
almost daily..
The frustration of cuticle breakage from lack of vitamins,
from the lack of luck
and my body craves to healthy
the pits of my eyes constantly wander side to side
left to right,
my spine dries and curves
to become crabwise
...lets trust this face
its surface for hands to clamour
stitch my fingers with his hair
decorate me
scab me entirely

Can't go wrong without you

Maybe it was an artery
Yes it was an artery
Sometimes it doesn't go
All the way around
May fields many questions
As the wind spins the leaves
My heart has saved you
Saved you from a beating
Sweeter than soon
May we meet in that room
Sweeter than soon
I can't go wrong without you
A chime chimes three times
The devil breaks both your hands
Takes your stuff and runs away

Bollywood

"Bollywood's global audience running to 3.6 billion against Hollywood's 2.6 billion"
says Time Magazine. My obsession with Bollywood comes from my Desi roots. An in fact Shahrukh Khan AKA "King Khan" has more fans than Brad Pitt!

Today I'm showing the progress and development of Bollywood over the decades. The more time passes us by, the lighter the complexion of our Desi stars are starting to surface. I don't like it too much, but with the western influence on Hindi culture, what else is there to do but accept the fact that dusky skin is out and ghee (clarified butter) and fake colored contact lenses are in.



Circa 1950's, the golden age this is what Bollywood originally used to be about. This is "Mughal a zam" its supposed to be a film around when the Taj Mahal was built and the war with the mughals.
Madhubala is the "Marlyin Monroe" of Bollywood and always will be.

Then the western influence starting appearing with Helen in the 1970's (those aren't her real eyes)

Bollywood films now in days. Though I love Aishwarya Rai and the song&movie. I would like to see more dusky Indian women with black hair and brown eyes. Though the Desi men are still scrumptious as ever, I might add.
I know alot of Desi People that agree with me.

and finally a song that get stuck in my head alot.

Noorjehan is Pakistani, so it hits close to my heart. I love this song so much.

"Old is Gold"

Seems so odd to be blogging again. I feel like I've been spit out into life again. Thrown up onto the paws of wolves. What has happend to me over the last two weeks will remain stagnant in my fore brain. I feel permanently bruised and sliced off any innocence and ignorance. The little girl I once knew in me, came back to kick me in the head and before I realized it; I laid angrily in a hospital bed. I have been so despondent and relentless towards life lately. Strife has consumed every thought and organ. It has made my words sour and my mouth dry.


Yet in spite of this woe. I do not dare give up on myself. I will prevail now, as I have before. I have natural gifts and touch for writing beautiful words. I want to be a gift to the world, not a harsh burden like many I know.


Chicago was beautiful as it always is.
Nice escape from El Paso, but not a permanent fix.

I shall entitle detail later.

O

Mistress of Bobcats
Lady of Sagebrush
Why do you fool me?
showing me
you
In thousand shapes.
Groin,eyes,flank,toes
Arches,
Lifts of the arm
Hollow soft of the back of the knees,

sweets and salts of
lips and gulfs,
halls of deep flesh song-

Why do you trick me
Queen of Taste?
whose real beauty

is none.

In what I know, nature knows nothing

Now i have a choice

between an arch of silence
or a shout of truth,

Let eyes grow stagnant on youthful flanks
Let lips disperse into muck
Let words seep in glass vial
for a lifetime of dirty soles
in aching speed and sure denial

death and matters of the heart come uninvited
much like visitors in a vase
on a warm holiday

A child offered me a flower today; I refused
politely I said and insisted "no sweetie, thank you"
I refuse to share stolen stems

she adorned her small head and frolicked away
I stayed behind, scratching the back of my neck

Happiness is only real when shared

"Happiness is only real when shared"
-Christopher McCandless


How much sense do these simple 6 words mean? The realization that humans are only capable of being content when in the company of loved ones. Its highly believeable. I used to have the irrational belief that happiness comes with the self-sufficient ego an intellegent person perceives(e.g. pride/vanity).
But I think we all need at least an ounce of love to fill our thoughts.

The story of 23-year old Christopher McCandless is an epic story of a young man with the advantage of a good life and success. He renounces all luxury and insists on living by his own means, giving up on going to Harvard in order to execute his dream of exploring the icy Alaskan wilderness. Hence the title, "Into the wild". This story by Jon Krakauer has be depicted into film, which was inspired by a true story. Its stars Emile Hirsch who plays the wonderful role of our vagabond (Christopher McCandless). Over all it was an emotionally satisfying film; I have claimed it as one of my favorites for its spirit and touching imagery. I was trying to retain my tears from falling into my mango passionfruit tea, and making it bitter instead of tasteless and fragrant. What touched me the most is the extend of happiness of human relationships and the importance of forgiveness. I also think; I liked it so much partially... because in my own sub-conscious, I have a familiar drive to live in the wild, like a vagary native. Nude and painted in war palette while dancing for the gods in order for the sky to cry.

-sigh

its such a child-like fantasy of mine




also Eddie Vedder does the soundtrack, which is also a masterpiece.

Emile Hirsch



::drools::

well, I'm off to listen to the soundtrack, drink one last cup of tea, tend my sick Chhotti ma (mommy dearest), call my Boobears, and read one chapter of "Buddha" by Deepak Chopra. Its really wonderful; I love eastern philosophy

Oh what a Gem of a man was Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch!
The grand papa of sado-masochism! I recently did a paraphillic report for psychology.
It was quite entriging and stimutaling in all profound way possible, poking at the rural corners of the human brain and its thought broth.
-Born in January 27, 1836 and paseed away in March 9, 1895. Died in shameful and banal state. Venus in furs was his first novella to be publizied in the english language.




The term Masochism was depicted from "masoch". I read that Leopold acctually renounced his wealth and duties to be punished by his mistress (his secretary)
I might add, (no surprise there). Six months spent being whipped and humilated for his own sexual gratification. His own journey and spirit was put into Venus in furs.
"And you--you are cold--you hold me like a block of wood; wait, I'll
stir you with the fire of love," she said, and again clung fawningly
and caressingly to my lips.

"I no longer please you; I suppose I'll have to be cruel to you
again, evidently I have been too kind to you to-day. Do you know, you
little fool, what I shall do, I shall whip you for a while--"

Wanda tells Severin, as he is planning on leaving her.

Fun Fact:

music lovers, The Velvet underground created a song called "venus in furs"
(which I have on VINYL)




I'm off to my lover's lair!
Hark! he calls!

In my youth I have received a lot of emotional lashes. This week has thus by far been contaminated with my past . I've gotten mixed up in alot of uneccessary drama lately. I feel like I'm in an episode of "Gossip Girl"( which if i may add, is trully amazing). God bless you Cecily Von Ziegesar. I read the first two books in high school ( which was last year). I can't believe its going to a be a full year since I graduated EPHS.

(Lets out an over emotional roar of pain)

ai.

I got my car back! but some brute or something fucked around with my AUX input , so now I can't connect my iPOD and thus jam out to Hindi music in the morning when I'm going to class.
I'm filled with stife. It really doesn't affect me so, the car is still new and under warranty so they are going to replace it free of charge! Much to the arguement that my life is under alot of distress lately, nights have been pretty quiescence. Involves mostly hanging out with my significant other, and being vagary, spontaneous amongst other recreational forms.

School is almost out!
::does much needed hand gesture::

and I going to finally attend the meditation classes that I need. I'm too antsy, I run/drive around so aimelessly.
So... wednsday, I am going to go to the Buddhist recreational center on montana sit beside, the first person who will be my mentor, my friend rachel.( I am taking my other half with me)
I think we both need it... then maybe afterwards we can do it on our own and I can teach him the balancing of the 7 Chakras.


(Las Chakras points)



I'm such a fucking new-age hippie.
Fun Fact: I Had dreadlocks for two years, hahaha

anyways I've been listening to a lot of Black keys lately, I want to see them in Lolapalooza this year. The line -up is pheomenal! It would surely make up for last year's dissaster. I got my identy stolen when I went to Chicago last August. While I was merrily enjoying my portabella mushroom burger, I received a dreadful phone call, informing me that some asswipe jacked some of my money in El Paso.

Hence the fact that I had to close my account and couldn't attend Lollapolooza, WHERE I could have seen Iggy Pop....but I don't know, I want to go to the pitchfork festival and Reuben does too.
I'll probably wet myself...

People are crazy
True statement down to the very core.
I wish I could round up the people who complicate my life,
as if they were cattle.
Then send them to slaughther houses and have them gutted.

oh I am smiling at the thought... very much so.

anyways..... Tremendous plans for this summer!



I love this video by "The Avalanches"
You can hear Jon Voight's voice saying " what does mean" and "I'm going to kill you"
Every time I think Jon Voight; I think...


"Midnight Cowboy"

a little twarted psycho-schematic movie about a male prostitute.
He spawned our beautiful Angelina Jolie,
such a pretty thing from such an ugly male frame.





well I'm off to shower and read a chapter of "Buddha" by Deepak Chopra

oh oh and last night I saw "1942: a love story"!
I cried; I really did.
80's Bollywood movies are the best!
My wedding song is in that movie, oh what the hey!

here it is

anew

council, council,

The dire need of having thoughts extracted fresh from our forebrain.




p.s. The new Black keys album is phenomenal!