In what I know, nature knows nothing

Now i have a choice

between an arch of silence
or a shout of truth,

Let eyes grow stagnant on youthful flanks
Let lips disperse into muck
Let words seep in glass vial
for a lifetime of dirty soles
in aching speed and sure denial

death and matters of the heart come uninvited
much like visitors in a vase
on a warm holiday

A child offered me a flower today; I refused
politely I said and insisted "no sweetie, thank you"
I refuse to share stolen stems

she adorned her small head and frolicked away
I stayed behind, scratching the back of my neck

Happiness is only real when shared

"Happiness is only real when shared"
-Christopher McCandless


How much sense do these simple 6 words mean? The realization that humans are only capable of being content when in the company of loved ones. Its highly believeable. I used to have the irrational belief that happiness comes with the self-sufficient ego an intellegent person perceives(e.g. pride/vanity).
But I think we all need at least an ounce of love to fill our thoughts.

The story of 23-year old Christopher McCandless is an epic story of a young man with the advantage of a good life and success. He renounces all luxury and insists on living by his own means, giving up on going to Harvard in order to execute his dream of exploring the icy Alaskan wilderness. Hence the title, "Into the wild". This story by Jon Krakauer has be depicted into film, which was inspired by a true story. Its stars Emile Hirsch who plays the wonderful role of our vagabond (Christopher McCandless). Over all it was an emotionally satisfying film; I have claimed it as one of my favorites for its spirit and touching imagery. I was trying to retain my tears from falling into my mango passionfruit tea, and making it bitter instead of tasteless and fragrant. What touched me the most is the extend of happiness of human relationships and the importance of forgiveness. I also think; I liked it so much partially... because in my own sub-conscious, I have a familiar drive to live in the wild, like a vagary native. Nude and painted in war palette while dancing for the gods in order for the sky to cry.

-sigh

its such a child-like fantasy of mine




also Eddie Vedder does the soundtrack, which is also a masterpiece.

Emile Hirsch



::drools::

well, I'm off to listen to the soundtrack, drink one last cup of tea, tend my sick Chhotti ma (mommy dearest), call my Boobears, and read one chapter of "Buddha" by Deepak Chopra. Its really wonderful; I love eastern philosophy

Oh what a Gem of a man was Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch!
The grand papa of sado-masochism! I recently did a paraphillic report for psychology.
It was quite entriging and stimutaling in all profound way possible, poking at the rural corners of the human brain and its thought broth.
-Born in January 27, 1836 and paseed away in March 9, 1895. Died in shameful and banal state. Venus in furs was his first novella to be publizied in the english language.




The term Masochism was depicted from "masoch". I read that Leopold acctually renounced his wealth and duties to be punished by his mistress (his secretary)
I might add, (no surprise there). Six months spent being whipped and humilated for his own sexual gratification. His own journey and spirit was put into Venus in furs.
"And you--you are cold--you hold me like a block of wood; wait, I'll
stir you with the fire of love," she said, and again clung fawningly
and caressingly to my lips.

"I no longer please you; I suppose I'll have to be cruel to you
again, evidently I have been too kind to you to-day. Do you know, you
little fool, what I shall do, I shall whip you for a while--"

Wanda tells Severin, as he is planning on leaving her.

Fun Fact:

music lovers, The Velvet underground created a song called "venus in furs"
(which I have on VINYL)




I'm off to my lover's lair!
Hark! he calls!

In my youth I have received a lot of emotional lashes. This week has thus by far been contaminated with my past . I've gotten mixed up in alot of uneccessary drama lately. I feel like I'm in an episode of "Gossip Girl"( which if i may add, is trully amazing). God bless you Cecily Von Ziegesar. I read the first two books in high school ( which was last year). I can't believe its going to a be a full year since I graduated EPHS.

(Lets out an over emotional roar of pain)

ai.

I got my car back! but some brute or something fucked around with my AUX input , so now I can't connect my iPOD and thus jam out to Hindi music in the morning when I'm going to class.
I'm filled with stife. It really doesn't affect me so, the car is still new and under warranty so they are going to replace it free of charge! Much to the arguement that my life is under alot of distress lately, nights have been pretty quiescence. Involves mostly hanging out with my significant other, and being vagary, spontaneous amongst other recreational forms.

School is almost out!
::does much needed hand gesture::

and I going to finally attend the meditation classes that I need. I'm too antsy, I run/drive around so aimelessly.
So... wednsday, I am going to go to the Buddhist recreational center on montana sit beside, the first person who will be my mentor, my friend rachel.( I am taking my other half with me)
I think we both need it... then maybe afterwards we can do it on our own and I can teach him the balancing of the 7 Chakras.


(Las Chakras points)



I'm such a fucking new-age hippie.
Fun Fact: I Had dreadlocks for two years, hahaha

anyways I've been listening to a lot of Black keys lately, I want to see them in Lolapalooza this year. The line -up is pheomenal! It would surely make up for last year's dissaster. I got my identy stolen when I went to Chicago last August. While I was merrily enjoying my portabella mushroom burger, I received a dreadful phone call, informing me that some asswipe jacked some of my money in El Paso.

Hence the fact that I had to close my account and couldn't attend Lollapolooza, WHERE I could have seen Iggy Pop....but I don't know, I want to go to the pitchfork festival and Reuben does too.
I'll probably wet myself...