Bitter end of the trail

I've decided to keep this blog like an unwanted child. I jest, but I can't seem to remove it from my browsing history. This is going to be all about my days endeavours. I'm detached and fluttering to enjoy my life's travels. I'm truly lucky to have my feet on the ground and my heart is free and full of love. The love is completely for myself.(In the most non-narcissistic way).

Your voice rumbles in my brain
Like a train tracking on the rails
Your singing voice habituates my throat
running smoothly, slipping softly
taking its time to single out
what kind of words run through your mouth


what would it be like to know her..

If we were no longer strangers
her eyes would drown out
other men in my life
the sun would rise for the first time
swimming against her skin, with no one in between

my heart is in a knot
and it cannot be stopped.

mentally crippling

I'm in a boat metaphorically
the devil sails behind me
I trusted him once...
twice, maybe four times
He licked my palms and stroked my thighs
I poked his eyes and gnawed his horns
I guess some hope of love was somehow formed
we had musical ears
and my eyes were ripe and blown glass tears
hot and starched
white and parched
I soared in sand
be lowing at his strangest glance
I'm not a royal queen, I'm in between

gamble gamble seared auspicious dance

forever in limbo your lady, sweet baby
Queen of chance

thought broth

The inexplicable quench for exsitence
The clay flesh of what is breathing
and sour taste of morning breath
the milk that stains our cheeks
almost daily..
The frustration of cuticle breakage from lack of vitamins,
from the lack of luck
and my body craves to healthy
the pits of my eyes constantly wander side to side
left to right,
my spine dries and curves
to become crabwise
...lets trust this face
its surface for hands to clamour
stitch my fingers with his hair
decorate me
scab me entirely

Can't go wrong without you

Maybe it was an artery
Yes it was an artery
Sometimes it doesn't go
All the way around
May fields many questions
As the wind spins the leaves
My heart has saved you
Saved you from a beating
Sweeter than soon
May we meet in that room
Sweeter than soon
I can't go wrong without you
A chime chimes three times
The devil breaks both your hands
Takes your stuff and runs away

Bollywood

"Bollywood's global audience running to 3.6 billion against Hollywood's 2.6 billion"
says Time Magazine. My obsession with Bollywood comes from my Desi roots. An in fact Shahrukh Khan AKA "King Khan" has more fans than Brad Pitt!

Today I'm showing the progress and development of Bollywood over the decades. The more time passes us by, the lighter the complexion of our Desi stars are starting to surface. I don't like it too much, but with the western influence on Hindi culture, what else is there to do but accept the fact that dusky skin is out and ghee (clarified butter) and fake colored contact lenses are in.



Circa 1950's, the golden age this is what Bollywood originally used to be about. This is "Mughal a zam" its supposed to be a film around when the Taj Mahal was built and the war with the mughals.
Madhubala is the "Marlyin Monroe" of Bollywood and always will be.

Then the western influence starting appearing with Helen in the 1970's (those aren't her real eyes)

Bollywood films now in days. Though I love Aishwarya Rai and the song&movie. I would like to see more dusky Indian women with black hair and brown eyes. Though the Desi men are still scrumptious as ever, I might add.
I know alot of Desi People that agree with me.

and finally a song that get stuck in my head alot.

Noorjehan is Pakistani, so it hits close to my heart. I love this song so much.

"Old is Gold"

Seems so odd to be blogging again. I feel like I've been spit out into life again. Thrown up onto the paws of wolves. What has happend to me over the last two weeks will remain stagnant in my fore brain. I feel permanently bruised and sliced off any innocence and ignorance. The little girl I once knew in me, came back to kick me in the head and before I realized it; I laid angrily in a hospital bed. I have been so despondent and relentless towards life lately. Strife has consumed every thought and organ. It has made my words sour and my mouth dry.


Yet in spite of this woe. I do not dare give up on myself. I will prevail now, as I have before. I have natural gifts and touch for writing beautiful words. I want to be a gift to the world, not a harsh burden like many I know.


Chicago was beautiful as it always is.
Nice escape from El Paso, but not a permanent fix.

I shall entitle detail later.